How to break a paper lamp (or the insane deliciousness of bubble gum vodka)

BUBBLE GUM BUBBLE GUM GUBBLE GUM BUBBLE GUM BUBBLE GUM BUBBLE GUM
Three Olives brand makes the tastiest flavored vodkas.
Rootbeer and the new Bubble (like the flavor of bubble gum ice cream) are absolutely ridiculous.
Like a naughty little soda shop.

Recipe:
ice
lots of bubble vodka
equal parts tonic and soda
spoonful of maraschino cherrry juice
gum balls for garish

Results: yummy. too yummy. accidentally break the lamp yummy.

How to make cash in a flash...long slow drawn-out flash

Time to earn a little extra cash. Decided to shill my wares on Etsy. Absolutely great website for artist-made creations, one-of-a-kinds, vintage items and crafting supplies. I unpacked the storage boxes and am parting ways with many of my vintage treasures, always more to be had.

Voyeurs can visit "DocBonzie" on Etsy to see some of the skeletons from my closet.

How to make a tomato paste… (Insert punch line about a glue gun and/or scrapbooking at knife point)

-OR-

How to recycle old tomatoes in 2 minutes:


Problem: I bought a few too many tomatoes and they are now looking pretty rangey (the skin is puckering, it’s extra squishy, there may be one or two moldy spots, etc.) Basically, while most of the fruit is ok, these have surpassed their BLT days and I don’t have time to cook with them tonight (happy hour starts in 10!) so they’ll just be thrown out.

This sandwhich has pan grilled zucchini (about to go bad) tomato-bruschetta, goat cheese and roasted red peppers everything drizzled with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, salt, pepper.

Solution: Make a bruschetta-like topping and freeze for later. No cooking required. Can be frozen and used as a pizza sauce or a tasty addition to a veggie soup, salsa, used to simmer chicken breast in it etc. Can also be used immediately or within a day on bread to make true brushcetta. This can also be dumped into an open jar of salsa to freshen it up and extend it. Also great on a bagel with cream cheese, added to a can of soup to cut the saltiness and give it zing. Uses are basically endless. Probably someone has tried to smoosh it on their face as an exfoliant.

Directions: Wash thoroughly and cut out any surface blemishes or moldy spots (puckered skin need not be removed). Cut in half and squeeze out seeds over sink (I don’t mind the seeds, they add a little crunch so I leave them in, but many people don’t like them in sauces). Cut into a few rough pieces and throw into a blender or food processor add one clove of fresh garlic per tomato, a dash of olive oil, a few fresh basil leaves or a good teaspoon of dried basil salt and pepper to taste, dried red pepper flakes are also a nice addition. Pulse until desired consistency (rougher for brushetta bread topping or a margherita-style pizza), then just freeze.

If really strapped for time, throw in blender add nothing, then freeze. Spice can always be added later.

Long story short: chop up then freeze old tomatoes to avoid having to throw them away. In two minutes you have salvaged your pricey tomatoes, made a perfect base for an easy meal or snack another day, no guilt and still 8 minutes left to make it for the 2 for 1’s at happy hour.

De-rust de-rust de-rust is on tire! Or, How to de-rust a bike and other not-so-valuable metals

In the beach communities of San Diego people get around on either bike or skateboard. I was warned about the phenomenon of "Upgrading", the process whereby one bike owner sees a bike nicer/shinier/less flattened-of-tire than their own bike and simply "upgrades" by taking nice shiny bike and leaving less desirable bike in its stead. When it came time for me to buy a beach cruiser I decided to buy the least desirable bike imaginable to avoid this scenario, a rusty 1980-something blue Murray beach cruiser. It has worked wonders thus far. Minus the incident with the tire blowing up in my face and rupturing my ear drum when i bought it, necessitating a $100 new tire addition to my bargain $40 bike and three weeks no going in the ocean. To make the bike more appealing to myself I decided to spiff it up with a little elbow grease.

$5 buys a bag of steel wool and a can of WD-40 or equivalent spray or drop lubricant.
Simply apply a little lubricant and start to polish. In a few minutes all rusted surfaces will be gleaming again. Wipe with rags/newspaper periodically to clean off grease/rust grime. This works great on handlebars, frames, wheel wells and spokes, etc.

Here's the clincher though: spray with a rustoleum-type antirust coating from a spray can when done. This additional $5 step will prolong the life of your de-rusting job. This is particularly necessary in high humidity/salt environments. Like living on the beach and parking your bike outside. Let's just say I didn't think about this aspect originally and now Murray Bike is 100% safe from potential Upgrading. If kept in a garage, rustproofing less necessary.

A run-down of what cheap Murray Bike cost me:
$45 ugliest bike on the block
$100 new tires
1 blown ear drum
$15 U-lock so no one steals ugliest bike on the block
$10 home-made de-rusting kit
$10 fabric cleaner to remove rotted rubber marks from car upholstery after having to load bike when tire blew up in face
$40 Dorothy from Kansas style detachable bike basket (actually quite handy for grocery runs)


**UPDATE**
Murray Bike has been UPGRADED!
But not in a bad way...phew! Outlandish gas prices, expensive lab parking and loss of primo parking spot, as well as looming U.C. pay cuts means Murray Bike has been upgraded to weekday commute vehicle from occasional use weekender. In the mornings I race furiously up the boardwalk/bay walk trying not to run over tourists sipping their morning lattes, strollers, small dogs. race race race, got to make the bus. Get to bus stop, jump off bike, forget I'm wearing heels, stumble (this is a regular occurrence), try to get key to work in lock (can you rust-o-leum a U-lock?), maniacally attach bike to nearest metal post object, kick, swear, sweat, scramble to bus stop. Hop on bus for 45! minute ride around the Cove and up the hill... But I love it. I missed the bus and Metro in DC, people watching, sight-seeing, actually reading books. Maybe it's time to subscribe to another magazine. Biking/busing/adding an extra 45 minutes to my commute actually makes life more peaceful. hm. Only downside...ride doesn't take me past Bunny Farm.

How to make a bunny farm...take away his sweet sweet condo.

Polar opposites are funny. This is probably why I moved to the beach, San Diego, from Washington D.C. From a vaulted-ceiling 1920's style apartment in spiffy Woodley Park in Northwest DC to a teeny1960's style bungalow-cabin-studio-den-lair thing in Mission Beach, San Diego on a narrow peninsula between Mission Bay and the Pacific Ocean. It is, awesome. The horizontal wood paneling throughout is actual wood, the three electrical outlets are so strategically placed as to remind the occupants that dwellers of this residence should not have (much) need for electricity. The kitchen cabinets are handmade with nice wrought iron hinges, very Hansel and Gretel, only less edible, same as the bathroom door. Decorated to our (myself and my guy Wease, a now free-lance journalist/sportswriter) specifications it has a very Hunter S. Thompson/Ralph Steadman meets Little House on the Prairie aesthetic. A twenty second walk out the front door (I don't know why I specify, as there is only one door, as there is only one wall big enough to accommodate said door) in either direction puts you at water's edge. Quiet Bay side lagoon to the East, hustle-n-flow of the Boardwalk and Pacific surf to the West.